The answer to life's problems
I was coaching a client the other day, who also happens to be a coach, and at the end of the session I asked her, "what have you learnt from today?"
She replied, "I've learnt the value in letting the client do all the work!"
She was referring to the fact that I wasn't providing her with any answers. I wasn't telling her what to do, or how to do it. I just asked powerful, thought provoking questions, and through that, she was coming up with her own answers. As a result she felt incredibly empowered and fully in control of her destiny.
After the session her words stayed on my mind. I wanted to tell her, "yes, that’s right, I am not giving you the answers. I don’t know the answers. That’s because there are no answers to know! You’re not living life like it’s a multiple choice exam, you’re creating what you want on a blank canvas!"
Yet this is how we live our lives – like it’s a multiple-choice exam with one correct option out of several choices. And not picking the right one will end in disaster.
“What if I get one wrong? How do I know which is the right decision to make? What if I do this and I don’t like it? What if I try that and I fail? Will I regret this? What SHOULD I do?!”
Then there we are, paralysed by our own fear about an imaginary future. I see it time and time again with my clients, who up until coaching spent their whole lives becoming directed by this overwhelming fear of making the wrong decision, fear of picking the wrong choice, and waiting for “the right answer” to appear - to the extent that they didn’t act at all.
And it’s funny because not long after I drafted this blog, a client of mine who has recently moved into self-employment (one of her dreams that my coaching helped her to achieve), said to me, “It’s strange, I’m so used to having people give me the tasks I need to do [in employment]. But now it’s like I am the one who creates the exam, sits the exam, and marks it myself!”
There is no exam.
There is no ‘right or wrong’
The answer to life’s problems is to realise that there AREN’T any answers.
There’s just what is, and what isn’t.
And if you don’t like what is or what isn’t, change it.
You see, trying to find “the right answer” is an attempt to predict the future. And it’s impossible to be 100% certain about the what the future will hold, let alone know whether we will like it or not. So no wonder we find it hard, because it’s actually impossible!
All you can do is make the choice that is right for you at THAT MOMENT. And if, further down the line, you don’t like where the choice took you, just make another choice to change it. And know that you didn’t make the wrong choice just because it led somewhere you don’t like. You just made a choice. This is now what is, and what isn’t. Don’t beat yourself up about something you couldn’t have possibly known was going to happen. In the moment you made your choice, you made what you thought was the best choice, given all the information that you knew at the time. And in the process, you learnt and you grew from the experience.
Start to see life like a blank canvas instead of an exam. You can create whatever you want. And whatever you create is perfect just the way it is, and the way it isn’t. As Abraham Lincoln said, ‘the best way to predict the future is to create it’.
Try it on for a moment. Imagine living your life WITHOUT the fear of making the wrong choice. What would you do that you’re not currently doing? What could you achieve that right now seems out of reach? What would you do if you knew that EVERY choice you made, was perfect, no matter what happened?
Aimee x. X
P.S. Let me guess. You’re probably not sure whether hiring a coach is “the right choice”? You’ve been considering contacting me for a while but keep hesitating. Well the same goes here – stop trying to predict the future – create it. Take the step to FIND OUT whether you want to work with me or not. Explore the option before deciding. I offer a trial session for suitable potential clients who are ready to take things to the next level in their life.