Do you feel like you don't have much choice?

Do you often feel like you don't have a lot of choice?

Are there things happening in your life which feel beyond your control?

It can be really tough when we feel helpless, or when we feel forced to do something.

'I've got to go to work, I've got no choice'
'I've got to put up with my body, I've got no choice'
'I'm stuck with things this way, I've got no choice'

This was something I explored in a recent coaching conversation with a woman who married someone in the Army. When I asked her to describe what her ideal lifestyle would look like, she struggled to see what that was, mainly because, she didn't believe she could have it. She felt STUCK with her circumstances - basically living where the army chose, not where SHE chose.

So I asked her, 'how ARE you choosing what you think you're not?'

I pointed out that whilst she might not be living where she might have chosen herself, by CHOOSING to be with her husband, she actually IS choosing where she lives.

When you make a choice for one thing, you're also choosing to accept the things that are attached to that thing. So for example, with her choosing her husband, she is also choosing his military career.

You might not choose for it to rain, but you are choosing to live in a place where the rain falls.

IMMEDIATELY she reclaimed her agency, and IMMEDIATELY she saw possibilities she hadn't seen before.

Not having choice is a lie.

There is ALWAYS choice.

Even if you're not choosing the precise 'thing', if you look deeper, you're choosing something that gives rise to that thing.

I also pointed out to her that by accepting that you ARE choosing something, does not mean you CAN'T change it - in fact, by seeing where you ARE choosing it, actually gives you the POWER to change it.

Now that she see's how she is choosing her lifestyle (by choosing her husband), she can choose to change it (not necessarily by leaving her husband, but by changing her living arrangements).

Because what you are not changing, you ARE choosing.

What are you not changing, and therefore choosing?

Aimee TeesdaleComment