Why people struggle to change the way they are and the life they're living

Imagine these 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1. 

You do something that really upsets your best friend.

They're hurt and annoyed with you, and they cannot forgive you, no matter what you say to them. 

You say you're sorry, you promise not to do it again, but still, they criticise you and judge you for what you did. 

Scenario 2. 

Same thing, you do something that really upsets your best friend.

They're hurt by your behaviour, but after you explain yourself, they respond and say, 'I forgive you', for which you are extremely grateful. 

Now imagine that a few weeks later,  you are at a crossroads where you have the potential to repeat the same offending behaviour that upset your best friend in the first place. 

With each scenario, what are you most likely to do? Repeat the behaviour, or do something different? 

Well, with scenario 1, your friend hasn't forgiven you, you've lost the friendship, so sod it, you've got nothing to lose, right?! 

But in scenario 2, I would imagine that you'd be SO grateful and appreciative of the fact that your friend forgave you, that you'd be far less likely to do it again. 

Now swap 'the best friend' in the story with your own inner self, and consider that most of us live our lives reenacting scenario 1. 

We do things that we don't like and then we JUDGE OURSELVES for it, unforgivingly. Then we expect ourselves to change next time and do something different! 

But is this approach effective?


For how long have you ALREADY been STUCK with a load of old thought and behaviour patterns, expecting yourself to be different next time, and yet just doing the same thing over and over?

The chances are it's because you're constantly judging yourself. 

Which is why the key to behaviour change is SELF-FORGIVENESS. 


During the first day of my meditation retreat, I was trying to judge myself into concentrating. 

Every time I noticed myself distracted, I would criticise myself for having gone off in my mind again. 

'WHY can't I do this?!'

'What's WRONG with me?!'

'I bet everyone else is concentrating just fine!'

And guess what, I just kept getting distracted! 

It was only when I decided to meet my distraction with acceptance and gratitude, that I experienced a huge breakthrough. 

When I noticed myself thinking about other things, I'd simply say to myself, with a smile, "thanks for those thoughts and ideas, I will come back to them later."

Once I started doing this, I was suddenly able to just concentrate on my breath for a good 20 minutes or so.

It was AMAZING! 

The same applies for whatever behaviours or thoughts about yourself that YOU want to change. 

Maybe you want to start putting yourself out there more in your business. 

Maybe you want to start taking more action. 

Maybe you want to eat healthier. 

Maybe you want to stop judging yourself as not good enough. 

Well whenever you catch yourself not doing the thing or having the thoughts you want to be having, FORGIVE YOURSELF

Forgive yourself because you're just human, and the human brain is geared towards carrying out habits.

Until you consciously choose to override the software, you are BOUND to repeat the same things over and over. 

It's human nature!


No longer do I walk around in a cloud of self-judgement for the things I did or didn't do. 

Isn't that just a much nicer way to experience life? 

AND, be more likely to succeed?

You too CAN override your brain's software. 

You too CAN create yourself to be anyway you want. 

And you too CAN create the life you would love to live. 

Aimee Teesdale