How to stop caring about what other people think of you

One of the things that often holds people back from being, doing, or having the things they want to be, do or have in life is the fear of what other people think.
 
This can either be in the form of what we ANTICIPATE people might think:
 
“What will my parents think if I quit my secure job to setup my creative business?”

“What will my partner think if I say I want to go travelling?”

“What will my friends think if I start wearing the clothes I really want to wear?”
 
Or, it can be in the form of FEEDBACK we actually receive from those closest to us, which hurts us:
 
“Well that’s not going to earn you enough money to pay the bills”

“But how are YOU going to do that?”

“You’re wearing that tonight?”
 
When fear of people's opinions comes up in a coaching conversation, I ask my clients to complete the following sentence as many times as they can:
 
“I’m afraid that people will judge me as…”
 
So for example they might say things like:
 
“I’m afraid that people will judge me as being selfish”
“I’m afraid that people will judge me as being incapable”
“I’m afraid that people will judge me as being greedy”

 
And here’s the secret to how I help them to not care about these things anymore:
 
I get them to replace the prefix:
 
“I’m afraid that people will judge me as…”
 
with:
 
“Deep down I am judging MYSELF as…:
 
WHY?
 
Because the only reason why people’s judgements about us are painful is because deep down, we are actually judging OURSELVES that way.

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So how to get over this?

How do we stop caring about what other people think or judge us for?

By stopping judging ourselves that way. 
 
For example, a client I was recently in conversation with was afraid that her friends, who happen to all be teachers and nurses, would judge her for taking her business to the next level and creating a second income, when they themselves were on average salaries and struggling to make ends meet.
 
She was afraid because of FEEDBACK she’d received in the past, where one of her friends had previously said to her:

‘Do you think it’s fair that people in the corporate world earn so much more than those of us in public sector?’
 
And so because of this, she was also afraid of what she ANTICIPATED them saying when she finally stopped holding herself back, going for her dreams, and creating even more.
 
But after a bit of conversation, we uncovered that this really had nothing to do with her friend or what they had said.
 
It had got everything to do with her OWN judgements about money.    
 
Because of early experiences, she had unconsciously made a decision in her mind that ‘earning a lot of money was selfish’.
 
In her worldview, either you did CARING professions like teaching or nursing, OR you went down the corporate, non-caring route and earned mega bucks.
 
Which is why when her friend made a comment like this, it hurt.
 
Of course, being hurt doesn’t feel good, so she wants to avoid it.
 
And the way to avoid it was to hold herself back from taking her business and life to the next level and NOT create the success she wanted.
 
So I helped her to change her worldview around money.
 
I helped her to see that money and service are not inversely proportional, they are directly proportional. 

And we created a NEW truth:
 
"The more money I earn, the more people I am serving and making a difference to."
 
This in terms of both quantity (number of people served) AND quality (the size and value of the impact made).
 
I know that my bank balance is a reflection of the amount of people I have helped, and the extent to which I’ve helped them, and indeed, the same is true for her, because what she wants is to create a business that serves people.
 
By changing her own judgements about earning money, she will no longer be upset by how her friends might judge her.
 
She will no longer be needing to avoid feeling hurt.
 
She will no longer hold herself back from creating greater success.
 
And what she WILL be doing, is actually helping more and more people.
 
With love,
Aimee x

Aimee Teesdale