It's ok to struggle. Truth is, I've been struggling too.
It’s been over 2 weeks since I last sent out a blog so it’s been on my agenda to write one. But I haven’t been able to. More specifically, I didn’t know what to write about. Not because I haven’t had things going on in my life, but rather the opposite – I HAVE had stuff going on in my life that hasn’t been easy to deal with.
But I held back from sharing it. I can’t write and tell everyone about what I am struggling with at the moment, I’m a life coach! I can’t appear to have hard times and difficulties to go through! I need to show that I’ve got it all together and my shit is sorted and you can achieve anything you want to blah blah blah.
Well f**k that. I will tell you how it is.
For a few months now I’ve been struggling inside my own head. I‘ve felt lonely. I’ve felt like I’ve lacked purpose. I’ve questioned what I’m doing with my life and whether I am really enjoying it or not. There have been days where within hours of me starting my day, I’ve broken down into tears. I’ve felt helpless. I’ve felt demotivated. I’ve felt like I just wanted to book a one-way ticket to Bali and hide on a beach for the rest of my life.
It’s not been everyday, but many days. And it’s been like it for a while.
I thought it was going to go away. Some days I have good days and I think, 'oh I was just being silly, all is good now!' Or I wait a few days as I think, 'maybe it’s just time of the month!' But it seems more persistent than that.
I’m not 100% sure why it’s been this way, but I suspect it’s because I’ve been fully self-employed for almost a year now, and for the majority of that time I’ve been working from home. Alone. Yes I have calls with people and coaching sessions, but outside of those times, it’s just me. Day in, day out.
Yes I’ve got people to talk to – calls, sessions, sending emails, WhatsApp, coffee catch-ups, but still, I’m alone.
And I think it’s been taking its toll on my mental health.
So enough is enough. Yesterday I signed up to a co-working space so that I can be around people again. I’d been considering doing this for a while, in fact I’ve been making an attempt to work from coffee shops across London so that I can get out of the flat. But it hasn’t made much of a difference, because they still lack the feeling of being in a community, where people talk to each other.
But what stopped me signing up to a permanent space was the excuse ‘I can’t afford it’. I couldn’t justify spending hundreds a month on a desk space when I’ve got a perfectly good desk space at home that I don’t even have to commute to. “I can do this by myself, I don’t need help.”
But now I can’t afford not to.
It’s not about the desk space, it’s about my mental well-being. And my mental well-being is priceless.
So is yours. So are your dreams.
And yet we say “can’t afford it”.
It’s ok to struggle. It’s ok to tell people you’re struggling. And it’s ok to get help. If your mental wellbeing, your contentment, your happiness and your success is on the line, you can’t afford not to.